湖畔居士: 唐诗英译(2)

湖畔居士

[前不久, 网友美翼挂了几个"英诗中译"的练习佳作.  我当时就想, 也可以来个"唐诗英译:的练习.
正好回国时友人送了一套"唐诗英译"的书签. 有空时挂上来与有兴趣的网友商酌, 看有没有更好的译法.]

谢谢参与前一首的网友. 今天是第二首. 下面的英译文是原书签上的.  这次我等最后再谈谈我的想法.
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<春晓> - 孟浩然

春眠不觉晓,
处处闻啼鸟.
夜来风雨声,
花落知多少.

书签上的英译文

This morning of spring in bed I'm lying,
Not woke up till I hear birds crying.
After one night of wind and showers,
How many are fallen flowers?

离沙

A Morning in Spring

spring dreams hard to wake---
with birds singing every way
night came the rain and wind
blowing how many petals away ?

离沙

A Morning in Spring

spring dreams hard to wake---
with birds singing every way
night came the rain n wind
blew how many petals away ?

胖胖168

引用第1楼离沙于2011-08-24 10:14发表的 :
A Morning in Spring

spring dreams hard to wake---
with birds singing every way
night came the rain and wind
blowing how many petals away ?
.......

I like this one, much better.

湖畔居士

引用第3楼胖胖168于2011-08-24 11:26发表的  :

I like this one, much better.

哈哈, "英雄所见略同"啊, 冒充一回英雄, 拔高自己一下, 和胖胖站一排.
我也不喜欢原译文中把"啼"字译成"CRYING". 建议小改如下:
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A Morning in Spring

Sleeping in spring till the day,
Enjoy birds singing every way.
After raining andn winding all night,
How many flowers blowing away ?

湖畔居士

引用第2楼离沙于2011-08-24 10:23发表的 回 楼主(湖畔居士) 的帖子 :

A Morning in Spring

spring dreams hard to wake---
with birds singing every way
.......

谢谢离沙. 你的译文不错, 两个基本一样. 谢谢捧场.

美翼传奇

This morning of spring in bed I'm lying,
Not woke up till I hear birds crying.
After one night of wind and showers,
How many are fallen flowers?

--------------------------------------------------------
Spring wakes
Slept spring is  waking little hard
Hears birds sing all the way loud
How did showering wind of  night
Care fallen pieces of petal about?

费了很大劲才立正看齐的，居士可要鼓励鼓励，啊哈？

湖畔居士

引用第6楼美翼传奇于2011-08-24 23:08发表的  :
This morning of spring in bed I'm lying,
Not woke up till I hear birds crying.
After one night of wind and showers,
How many are fallen flowers?

.......

Excellent, a job well done!  I like it very much!
好, 美翼. 尤其韵脚选用的不错, 仍在1,2,4句压韵, 和原诗一致.
看来这个练习栏目感兴趣的网友不多, 要停办了.呵呵.

离沙

引用第5楼湖畔居士于2011-08-24 19:20发表的 Re:回 楼主(湖畔居士) 的帖子 :

谢谢离沙. 你的译文不错, 两个基本一样. 谢谢捧场.

谢谢居士鼓励。


一句话---散了就散了
Spring dreams hard to wake, even with birds singing every where; night came the rain n wind，blowing  flower petals to nowhere.